Effective Communication Strategies

By: Nicholas J Broadway

An Article for Masonic Education

A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

– Mark Twain

In the hallowed halls of a Masonic Lodge, a Brother is introduced to a system of morality, veiled in allegory and illustrated by symbols.

He is given the working tools of a stonemason and instructed to use them not upon rough stone, but upon the imperfect ashlar of his own character.

He learns of the cardinal virtues—Temperance, Fortitude, Prudence, and Justice—and is charged to make them the rule and guide of his life.

Yet, for all this profound instruction, where is the trestle board that lays out the designs for applying these virtues in the most common, yet most challenging, of human arenas: our daily conversation?

The tongue, we are taught, can be an instrument of truth and kindness or a weapon of discord and ruin.

How, then, does a modern Mason ensure his words are building blocks for his spiritual temple, rather than instruments of its destruction?

This exploration seeks to provide a practical framework by drawing light from a seemingly ‘profane’ source—the work of communication experts—and demonstrating how their modern strategies are, in fact, timeless echoes of Masonic moral philosophy.

We will turn to the insights of Jefferson Fisher, a trial attorney whose work focuses on the immense power of language, to construct a Masonic guide to communication.

He posits that our words determine the entire trajectory of our lives. For a Freemason, whose every action should be guided by honour and virtue, this concept carries an even greater weight.

By examining Fisher’s three pillars of effective communication—Say it with Control, Say it with Confidence, and Say it to Connect—we may discover a new set of working tools.

These are tools not of metal or wood, but of thought and speech, designed to help us better subdue our passions, act with rectitude, and spread the cement of brotherly love.

This is not a new form of Masonry, but rather a practical application of its oldest and most sacred teachings—a guide to making our communication as true as the plumb, as level as our intentions, and as square as our actions.

IMAGE credit:  the square magazine Digital Collection (CC BY 4.0)

The journey from the Rough Ashlar

of our unthinking speech to

the Perfect Ashlar of virtuous

discourse is the great work of

a Mason’s life.

Importance of Communication

The gravity of communication within the Masonic fraternity cannot be overstated. It is the very medium through which light is transmitted, harmony is maintained, and character is both revealed and forged.

From the moment a candidate takes his obligation, his word becomes his bond, a sacred pledge that defines his relationship with the Craft and its members.

The principles of effective communication are not merely social graces for the Freemason; they are the practical embodiment of his core tenets.

Impact on Life Outcomes

Fisher contends that one’s communication determines “where you’ve been in your whole life” and can help you “get to wherever you wanted to go.

This sentiment resonates deeply with the Masonic journey. The state of our communication is a direct reflection of the state of our internal ashlar. Is our speech rough, jagged, and prone to causing injury?

It suggests we are still in the early stages of our moral development. Is it measured, thoughtful, and constructive? It indicates that the gavel of self-control and the chisel of self-improvement have been diligently applied.

The journey from the Rough Ashlar of our unthinking speech to the Perfect Ashlar of virtuous discourse is the great work of a Mason’s life.

Every word spoken is a blow of the chisel, either refining a surface or creating a new flaw.

In our professional and personal lives, the world acts as the Worshipful Master, judging the quality of our work by the words we present.

Career and Opportunities

In the profane world, Fisher notes that effective communication provides an “unfair advantage.” For a Mason, this advantage should not be ‘unfair’ but rather the natural result of a life lived on the square.

A Brother whose words are known to be truthful, whose promises are kept, and whose counsel is wise, will inevitably earn the trust and respect of his colleagues and community.

He does not need to boast of his Masonic affiliation; his character, expressed through his communication, speaks for him.

In a world increasingly filled with noise and superficiality, the quiet competence and integrity of a Mason whose word is his bond stands out as a beacon of reliability.

This is the true “head start”: a reputation built not on clever rhetoric, but on unwavering moral substance.

Relationships and Conflict Resolution

Nowhere is the importance of communication more apparent than within the Lodge itself. The harmony of a Lodge is a delicate ecosystem, nurtured by brotherly love and fortified by mutual respect.

Fisher warns that trying to “win an argument” often leads to losing the relationship. This is a vital lesson for every Mason.

When disagreements arise, as they inevitably will among passionate and thinking men, the goal is never victory for oneself, but resolution for the whole.

The profane world may encourage debate as a zero-sum game, but Freemasonry teaches a different path.

We are charged to be peacemakers. An argument, therefore, should be seen not as a battle to be won, but as a complex knot to be patiently “unravelled.”

This requires us to listen more than we speak, to seek understanding before agreement, and to value the preservation of our fraternal bond above the satisfaction of being proven ‘right’.

The prize for winning an argument with a Brother is, as Fisher notes, often just “awkward silence,” the very antithesis of Masonic harmony.

IMAGE credit:  the square magazine Digital Collection (CC BY 4.0)

To view an argument not as a battle to be won,

but as a complex knot to be patiently unravelled,

is to practise the highest form of Masonic charity.

Personal Well-being

The manner in which we communicate externally is a direct reflection of our internal dialogue.

Fisher observes that poor communication can lead to negative self-talk and a feeling of being “stepped on.”

This speaks to the Masonic imperative of self-governance. A Mason who cannot communicate his boundaries with quiet firmness has failed to apply the gavel to his own affairs. He who allows others to treat him with disrespect without a calm and measured response has failed to keep his passions within due bounds.

This lack of control leads to internal discord, a state of being “unhappier more often and more unsatisfied.”

Freemasonry is a journey toward internal peace and moral fortitude. This cannot be achieved if our communication habits, both with others and with ourselves, are undermining our self-worth and leaving us with a “hopeless feeling.” The work of the Craft begins within.

Ripple Effect

Perhaps the most profound aspect is what Fisher calls the “ripple effect.” He states that words can “last a very long time in people’s memories, shaping identity and triggers.”

Every Mason is a representative of the Fraternity. A single careless or unkind word spoken in public can tarnish the reputation of the entire institution.

Conversely, an act of verbal kindness, of patient explanation, of quiet integrity, can reflect immense credit upon the Craft.

This effect extends through generations. How we speak to our children, and how we conduct ourselves in debate with our Brethren, becomes a lesson.

It sets a standard. The words we choose today may influence how our children resolve conflicts decades from now, or how a newly made Mason learns to conduct himself for the rest of his Masonic career.

Our words are never spoken in a vacuum; they ripple outward, for good or for ill, far beyond our immediate sight.

Effective Communication Strategies

To navigate these profound responsibilities, we require a clear plan. Just as the Master of a Lodge is presented with a trestle board containing the designs for the day’s labour, so too can we benefit from a structured approach to virtuous communication.

The system laid out by Fisher, built upon three foundational pillars, serves as an excellent trestle board for the modern Mason.

These are the principles of Say it with Control, Say it with Confidence, and Say it to Connect. Let us consider each as a distinct, yet interconnected, part of the great design of building a better self and, by extension, a better world.

Say It with Control

The first great lesson of Freemasonry is one of self-mastery. Before a man can hope to govern a Lodge, he must first learn to govern himself.

The virtue of Temperance is presented to us as essential, for it is the power by which we “circumscribe our desires and keep our passions within due bounds.”

The principle of ‘Saying it with Control’ is Temperance in action. It is the conscious and deliberate governance of one’s tongue, especially in moments of trial and provocation.

When faced with disagreement or adversity, the profane man may react with the “fight-or-flight” instinct, speaking words of anger or retreating into resentful silence.

The Mason, however, is called to a higher standard. He must be the master of his emotions, not their slave.

Managing Fight-or-Flight

Fisher identifies the body’s primal fight-or-flight response as the source of hurtful words and avoidance. In Masonic terms, this is the unchecked passion that the Gavel is meant to subdue.

When a Brother’s comment in Lodge strikes a nerve, or a colleague’s criticism feels unjust, the temptation to react emotionally is immense.

This is the moment of trial. To control this impulse is to practise Freemasonry at its most fundamental level. The key, Fisher suggests, is to “inject control through breath.”

Conversational Breath and Pauses

This technique of using a “conversational breath” or a deliberate pause is a powerful Masonic tool. Consider it a moment of silent invocation.

In that brief space between hearing and speaking, the Mason has an opportunity to mentally turn his eyes to the letter ‘G’, to remember the presence of the Great Architect, and to consult the square of virtue. A pause is not a sign of weakness or uncertainty; it is a sign of Prudence.

It demonstrates to the other party that their words have been heard and are being given due consideration.

In the courtroom, Fisher notes, this pause prevents unconsidered responses. In life, it prevents us from speaking words we will later regret, words that can cause irreparable harm to a relationship or to our own reputation.

How often might discord in a Lodge have been averted if Brethren simply took a single, calming breath before rising to speak?

IMAGE credit:  the square magazine Digital Collection (CC BY 4.0)

A pause is not a sign of weakness or uncertainty;
it is a sign of Prudence.
It is a moment of silent invocation
before the act of speech.

Slowing Down Words

The manner of our speech also communicates our inner state. Fisher advises that talking too fast can make one sound anxious, while slowing down projects “composure and 100% control.”

This aligns with the Masonic archetype of the wise elder. The counsel of a seasoned Past Master is valued not only for its content but for its deliberate, measured delivery.

It conveys gravity, experience, and a mind that is not easily flustered. By consciously slowing our speech, we are not only calming our own nervous system but also communicating to others that we are masters of ourselves and the situation at hand.

Self-Awareness

The cornerstone of control is self-awareness. This is the Masonic duty of introspection, of constantly measuring our actions against the rule and guide of our principles.

Fisher’s advice to recognise one’s own triggers—for example, by thinking, “I can tell I’m getting defensive”—is the act of a skilled craftsman inspecting his own work.

By identifying the rising emotion, we can separate ourselves from it. We are not the anger; we are the Mason observing the anger and choosing not to act upon it.

This internal check allows us to maintain our rational faculties, to keep the logical side of the brain engaged, and to respond with reason rather than passion.

This is the essence of subduing our passions, the first and most challenging lesson in the school of Freemasonry.

Say It with Confidence

The second pillar, Confidence, must be understood in its proper Masonic context. It is not the arrogance of the proud man who thinks himself better than others.

Rather, it is the virtue of Fortitude—the quiet strength that enables a man to do what is right, even in the face of adversity.

For a Mason, true confidence is not something to be “conjured beforehand,” but is, as Fisher states, “the result of assertive actions.” It is the natural state of a man whose life is aligned with his principles, who walks uprightly before God and man.

Assertive Voice

The “assertive voice” Fisher describes is the sound of a man acting on the square. It is a balance between the passive voice of one who is afraid to speak his truth and the aggressive voice of one who seeks to impose his will.

The assertive Mason is “direct while remaining kind and respectful.” He speaks the truth as he sees it, but always with charity for his Brother.

He does not allow himself to be “pushed over,” for that would be a failure of Fortitude, but he does not trample upon the feelings of others, for that would be a violation of Brotherly Love.

Word Choice Matters

The working tools of a speculative Mason are words, and like any tool, they must be chosen with care. Fisher’s advice to “say more with less” and to avoid weakening words like “just” is a lesson in Masonic sincerity.

A Mason’s communication should be plain, direct, and unambiguous. Over-explaining can, as Fisher notes, make the truth sound like a lie. This is because it suggests a lack of confidence in one’s own position.

A Brother who is secure in the rectitude of his actions has no need for excessive verbiage. His simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ should be sufficient. This verbal economy is a mark of respect for the listener’s time and intelligence, and a hallmark of a confident mind.

Strategic Speaking

“Confident people often say the least and listen more because they have nothing to prove.” This aphorism is a perfect description of Masonic wisdom.

The Entered Apprentice is taught to be cautious, to listen and learn. The goal of a Masonic conversation is not to prove one’s own intelligence, but to collectively seek more light.

The Brother who dominates every discussion, who feels the need to comment on every topic, may be betraying an insecurity, a need for validation.

The truly confident Mason is content to listen, to learn from the wisdom of his Brethren, and to speak only when he has something of substance to contribute. His confidence comes from his character, not from the volume of his words.

IMAGE credit:  the square magazine Digital Collection (CC BY 4.0)

Insecurity talks to be heard;
wisdom listens to understand.
The truly confident Mason has nothing to prove,
only truth to seek.

Handling Triggers and Disrespect

Fisher’s concept of giving others “manuals, not remote controls” is a powerful metaphor for Masonic self-governance.

To react emotionally to provocation is to hand another person the remote control to your own peace of mind.

The confident Mason, however, provides a ‘manual’ through his consistent conduct. He calmly and clearly defines what he will and will not tolerate, not through angry outbursts, but through firm, respectful boundaries.

Similarly, the advice to replace over-apologizing with gratitude is a practice in self-respect. A Mason should be ever-ready to apologize for a genuine fault, but to constantly apologize for taking up space or having an opinion “erodes self-esteem.”

Replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you for your patience” shifts the dynamic from one of supplication to one of mutual respect.

Finally, the phrase “I could have done better” is the epitome of Masonic humility.

It is an acknowledgement of our own imperfect nature and our commitment to continuous self-improvement.

In a conflict, leading with this admission disarms defensiveness and invites the other party to engage in mutual reflection rather than mutual accusation.

It is a confident, strong move, for it takes true Fortitude to admit one’s own fallibility.

It is the sound of the craftsman willing to re-examine his own work with a critical eye, which is the only way the Perfect Ashlar can ever be achieved.

Say It to Connect

The final and culminating pillar of communication is Connection. This is the practical application of the great Masonic tenet of Brotherly Love.

It is the work of “uniting men of every country, sect, and opinion” into one sacred band of friends and Brothers.

Connection, as Fisher defines it, is not necessarily about agreement, but simply about reaching a state of mutual understanding.

It is the cement that binds the disparate stones of the Lodge into a single, strong, and beautiful edifice. Without it, a Lodge is merely a collection of individuals; with it, it becomes a true fraternity.

Setting Conversational Frames

For any important work in a Lodge, we first set the scene. We open on the correct degree, state the purpose of our labour, and ensure all present are qualified and in agreement to proceed.

Fisher’s three-step frame for difficult conversations is a profane echo of this sacred practice;

1) State what you want to talk about.
2) State how you want the conversation to end.
3) Get their buy-in.

This approach transforms a potential confrontation into a collaborative effort. It creates an “invisible contract” for civility and a shared goal of resolution.

By framing the conversation with a positive, shared outcome (e.g., “I want us to walk away from this with a better understanding of each other”), we are immediately orienting the discussion toward light, not heat.

Avoiding the “Winning” Mindset

As previously discussed, the desire to ‘win’ an argument is the enemy of connection. The goal of a Masonic discourse should always be the discovery of Truth, a principle far greater than any individual ego.

When we view arguments as something to “unravel,” we shift our role from that of a combatant to that of a fellow seeker of light.

A powerful tool for this is the question, “What am I missing?” This is an act of profound humility and genuine curiosity.

It signals to your Brother that you value his perspective and believe he may possess a piece of the truth that you do not.

It opens the door for him to share his light, and in doing so, deepens the connection between you.

The “Two Glasses of Water” Analogy

Fisher’s analogy of the two glasses of water is perhaps the most perfect metaphor for Masonic education ever conceived outside the Craft.

You cannot pour your water (your ideas) into a glass that is already full. To create space for your perspective, you must first help the other person empty some of their own by understanding it.

This is done by asking curious, open-ended questions: “How did you come to believe that? Where did you learn that?” This is the art of Masonic mentorship.

We do not impart light by force. We create an environment of trust and inquiry in which a Brother feels safe to examine his own beliefs, thus creating the very space into which more light may be received.

This is the essence of teaching, and the essence of learning.

Understanding the Person Behind the Words

The principle of Charity, or Brotherly Love, compels us to see beyond the surface. When a Brother is acting in a way that is difficult or triggered, Fisher reminds us that there may be “a conversation in their head that you were not invited to.”

His words may be scratching at an “open wound” from his past. The charitable Mason does not react to the angry words, but seeks to understand the source of the pain.

This requires empathy and patience. When a Brother is “triggered,” the wise course of action is to add “distance” and delay.

Suggesting, “We can talk about this later,” is not an avoidance of the problem, but a prudent recognition that no constructive work can be done while passions are inflamed.

When dealing with outright disrespect, the strategies of control and confidence come into play to re-establish connection on a proper footing.

Using 5-7 seconds of silence before asking, “Can you repeat that?” forces the aggressor to hear their own words without the initial emotional impact, often leading them to retract or soften their stance.

Asking “Did you mean for that to sound rude?” gives them the grace of a second chance while clearly marking the boundary of acceptable discourse.

These techniques are not tricks; they are the tools of a social craftsman, used to restore level ground so that a proper foundation for connection can be laid.

IMAGE credit:  the square magazine Digital Collection (CC BY 4.0)

We cannot impart light by force.
We must first create a space of trust
where a Brother feels safe
to examine his own beliefs;
only then can more light be received.

Conclusion: The Mason as a Master Communicator

The journey through these principles—Control, Confidence, and Connection—reveals a profound truth: the art of effective communication is the art of applied Freemasonry.

To speak with control is to practise Temperance. To speak with confidence is to embody Fortitude.

To speak for connection is to live by Brotherly Love and a sincere desire for Truth. The strategies and techniques offered are not mere social hacks; they are modern working tools for the speculative Mason.

The Gavel of self-control is found in the deliberate pause and the calming breath. The Square of virtue is applied when we choose assertive, honest words.

The Trowel is used to spread the cement of brotherly love when we seek to understand before being understood, to connect rather than to win.

Our words have a ripple effect, building our character, defining our relationships, and reflecting upon the entire Fraternity.

Let us, therefore, take these designs from the trestle board and apply them diligently to our labours.

Let each of us reflect on our own communication. Where can we be more controlled? More confident in our virtues? More committed to connection?

I encourage you to choose one principle discussed in these pages—perhaps eliminating a single word like ‘just’, or practising the art of the pause—and dedicate yourself to mastering it.

Discuss these ideas with your Brethren, in your Lodges of Instruction, or over the festive board.

For in refining our speech, we are doing nothing less than smoothing our ashlars, strengthening the bonds of our fraternity, and building a more harmonious world, one conversation at a time.

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